Against the Rules
by UnexpectedMelody
Summary: When Dumbledore announces that the students are all dating the wrong people, and they must change their ways, they refuse to obey.
1. Dumbledore's Speech

**Chapter One: Dumbledore's Speech**

**Disclaimer: All the characters and places are the creation of J.K Rowling. In short, I only own my crazy plot.**

After the defeat of Lord Voldemort, life in Hogwarts was slowly going back to normal.

"It feels weird studying at school again after all that happened, doesn't it?" said Hermione as the trio (Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley and Harry Potter) sat down on the Gryffindor table.

"You're right, it does…after all the fighting and…stuff," Ron replied.

"You're as accurate as always" Harry remarked, laughing.

"Hey! Are you implying something?!"

Meanwhile, Hermione was waving happily at someone in the Slytherin table.

"Hi Draco! See you afterwards!"

"Oh right, forgot to ask, how's it going between you and Draco?" asked Harry.

"Fantastic," replied Hermione, smiling, "How about you and Luna?"

"Great," replied Harry in his turn. There was an awkward silence.

"Hey! Isn't anyone going to ask about me and Pansy?!" Ron exclaimed

"What?? You're with _Pansy_ now?"

"Is there something wrong with that? You're with Draco so I decided to follow your example of being with Slytherins. She's quite nice actually"

Before Hermione could defend herself, Dumbledore started speaking and they all had to quieten down.

"Welcome! I'm glad to see that so many of you have returned since Voldemort was defeated. However, we've all had to make sacrifices…" and so he went on, talking about the tragedy of the war, all the bravery and so on.

Suddenly he said, "However, there is something that is rather worrying me."

Dumbledore was now looking sternly at all of the students. "I am afraid that some of you are not abiding the rules of Harry Potter by JK Rowling". Eyes turned to look at Harry and then back at Dumbledore.

"Who's he?" someone asked.

"_She's _the most wonderful lady I've ever known. An _excellent_ muggle writer. I've got her autograph here somewhere..."

Ron whispered,"Okay, now he's gone bonkers" to Hermione, who gave him a disapproving stare for saying something like that about their headmaster.

Meanwhile Dumbledore seemed to gather himself and said,"Anyways, where was I? Oh yes...You have all taken the dangerous path of...FANFICTION!"

"Fanfiction? I do have quite a few fans at school-- of _course _I'm not chasing any other girls 'mione--, but fan_fiction??_" said Draco unaware that Dumbledore was listening.

"Oh yes, Mr. Malfoy, you are quite popular with girls, I believe even in such far-away places as India--such as a most charming girl, currently residing in Singapore...now, what was her name again?-- and that is why it seems that you are in a relationship with Ms. Granger here...which brings me to my point. You must all _change your ways_! How are we to have the wonderful epilogue now? Ms Granger and Mr Malfoy, Mr. Potter and Ms Lovegood, Mr. Weasley and Ms. Parkinson and Ms Weasley and Mr.Zab...oh oops, sorry wrong fanfiction...oh yes, most _shockingly_ of all, Ms. Weasley and Ms. Chang! There are to be no gays or lesbians in this school, apart from me of course ...sorry Minerva...This will not do at all! Ms Granger and Mr Weasley, Mr. Potter and Ms. Weasley...that's the way it's _supposed_ to be!" By now, Dumbledore was sounding agitated and was practically shouting. Then, more to himself, he added,"Actually...I'm supposed to be _dead_.._._not that I mind..."

"So..."Hermione begun saying carefully, "you're saying that we're all dating the wrong people?"

"Yes!" Dumbledore said happily now that at least someone understood him. "I want that epilogue!" As an afterthought he then quietly whispered something to Professor McGonagall that sounded suspiciously like "...it doesn't mention anything about me though, and who says I have to obey JK, so..." then looked back at the students and said, "You all have until the end of the year to change your ways!" before going off with a smiling Professor McGonagall. Immediately people started chattering in a very shocked manner.

A/N: Please review, I want to know how good/bad it is!


	2. The Secret Language

**Chapter Two: The Secret Language**

**Disclaimer: All the characters and places are the creation of J.K Rowling. In short, I only own my crazy plot.**** The quotes about Finland, the Finnish language, and sauna are from Wikipedia (****).**

AN: Thank you to my first seven reviewers, Nexlei, Sakura Lisel, writer with ocd, Phantom, lumos-under-the-starry-night, Emily92 and JUJUChick16! Here is the second chapter…

"Bloody hell! He can't expect us to change our girl/boyfriends because of some stupid muggle writer!" Ron exclaimed while slurping pumpkin juice frantically.

"And there is _nothing_ wrong with me dating Cho! How dare he!" added Ginny, challenging anyone to contradict her.

"You two are right. We are going to have to come up with a cunning plan,"

Hermione replied.

Everyone was quiet for a while, immersed in their thoughts. Harry broke the silence by saying, "I guess we'll just have to pretend to be with our "intended" crushes and try to come up with a plan, protest maybe?"

"What, go around carrying signs saying 'Freedom of dates!'?" asked Hermione.

"Uh…yes?"

"No. We'll have to come up with something a bit more careful, or should I say…sneaky?"

Draco appeared. "Did someone just mention the word 'sneaky'? Because if you did, I'm your man."

"Any suggestions, Draco?" asked Hermione

"Uh…not at the moment…"

"I know what we'll need…a secret language! For secret communication and stuff" Ron exclaimed

Hermione snapped, "That is such a stup…wait, it actually kind of makes sense…but we should use a really rare REAL language…"

"French? I bet no-one knows that!" Harry suggested

"No, stupid, it's way too easy and common!"

"Well, how about Indian! We could use Draco to get that charming girl in Singapore to teach us!" Ron suggested

"Hmm…depends on how charming… sounds like a good idea to me" Draco agreed

"Draco! Be careful of what you say, my wand might just slip… Ron, first of all, there is no such language as Indian. India has 415 listed living languages, perhaps you meant Hindi? Second, how could we contact that girl? If we wanted to learn Hindi, we should get someone to teach us. Third, it'd take too long to learn how to write."

Fifth, I don't know any Hindi and I couldn't write it with my keyboard

"Well, what do you suggest then?" Ron said, sulking.

"Finnish, perhaps? I doubt that anyone here knows it."

"At least I don't! What the heck is it and where is it spoken?" Ginny exclaimed

"Finnish, or suomi is the language spoken by the majority of the population in Finland (92 as of 2006) and by ethnic Finns outside of Finland. It is one of the official languages of Finland and an official minority language in Sweden" Hermione said, as if reciting a book, then continued,

"Finnish is a member of the Finno-Ugric language family and is typologically between inflected and agglutinative languages. It modifies and inflects the forms of nouns, adjectives, pronouns, numerals and verbs, depending on their roles in the sentence."

"Whoa! How do you know all that? And where is Finland?" Harry asked

"Wikipedia," Hermione explained, but only Harry had a faint idea of what it was.

Then she went on to explain, "Finland, officially the Republic of Finland (Finnish: _Suomi_; Swedish: _Finland_), is a Nordic country situated in the Scandinavian region of northern Europe. It has borders with Sweden to the west, Russia to the east, and Norway to the north, while Estonia lies to its south across the Gulf of Finland. The capital city is Helsinki."

"Was that from the Wiki-thing again?" Ron inquiered

"Yes"

"So," Harry began very slowly and carefully, "Finnish is a weird, hard language spoken in some country in the North? Is Finland actually known for anything?"

"Yes, it's known for Nokia and the invention of the sauna."

While Ron had no idea of what either of them was, Harry knew something.

"Isn't Nokia a mobile phone brand? I remember Dudley once had a Nokia phone, only he said it was Japanese…"

"That's right! As for sauna…"A sauna (pronounced /'sɔːnə, or as Finnish 'sɑunɑ) is a small room or house designed as a place to experience dry or wet heat sessions, or an establishment with one or more of these and auxiliary facilities. These facilities derive from the Finnish sauna. The word sauna is also used metaphorically to describe an unusually hot or humid environment.

A sauna session can be a social affair in which the participants disrobe and sit or recline in temperatures of over 80 °C (176 °F). This induces relaxation and promotes sweating."

"Sometimes people make a 'vasta'; (or vihta) they tie together small fresh birch branches (with leaves on) and swat themselves and their fellow sauna bathers with it. One can even buy vihtas from a shop and store them into the freezer for later (winter) use. Using a vasta improves blood circulation, and its birch odour is considered pleasing." That's what a sauna is. That was Wikipedia again. By the way, Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia…wait you don't know what "online" means either so…forget it."

"So basically "sauna" is a really hot place where crazy people sit and hit themselves with branches from a tree?? Are you sure we want to learn the language of such a crazy country?" Ron said.

"Why not? Oh, oops, I forgot to mention, "In Finland swimsuits, towels, or any other garments are rarely worn in the sauna. Families often go to the sauna together, which is not considered eccentric since family saunas are an old tradition. In these private saunas swimsuits or towels are never worn. In public saunas it is more common that men and women go to the sauna separately, although people of both sexes may sometimes bathe together, for example in student clubs. Still, saunas are not associated with sex and sexuality. Quite the contrary, historically saunas have been the most sacred places after the church, and most houses which could afford to build a sauna had one. In older times women also used to give birth in the sauna because it was a warm and sterile environment. Children were occasionally born in saunas still in the beginning of the 20th century."

Cho was shocked and spoke for the first time, "So…they sit there…NAKED?? Hermione, maybe Ron is right…"

"Hey! I'm not telling you to build a sauna and use it! I'm telling you to learn the language! Already the fact that you don't know it proves my point."

"But..but…"

"No buts! Don't worry, there's a spell that we can use"

"Really? How come you said that Hindi would take too long to learn, then?" Cho asked.

"We are not able to perform the spell unless we already know the alphabet, it's too advanced"

"But what's the point of using it as a secret language if there's a spell for it?" Ron tried desperately

"You need to know the name of the language first."

"Oh" Ron, Harry, Ginny, Draco and Cho said in unison.

"No, suostutteko?"

"Huh?"

"It's Finnish and it means, 'Do you agree?' Yes is 'Kyllä'" hinthint

"What's 'No!'?" asked Draco.

"You won't need to know, because you agree, _don't you, Draco dear_? I'll ask again, _Suostutteko?_"

"Kyllä" they all said, defeated.

AN: That may have been a bit boring, but I hope you got through, nevertheless. It might only appeal to Finns, if even them. In case someone's wondering, I'm Finnish, but I still got the definitions from Wikipedia, because I'm so lazy and I'm pretty sure that Hermione would love that site. 


	3. The Language Spell

**Chapter Three: The Language Spell**

**Disclaimer: All the characters and places are the creation of J.K Rowling. In short, I only own my crazy plot.**

AN: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Here's the third chapter:

They all met in an empty classroom, and this time Ron had invited Pansy, too, after explaining everything to her.

"The words are: '_Languos Comprendios, Suomi_' and you have to move your wand like _this._" Hermione said, and swirled her wand, then flicked it,"Come on now everybody, and try to do it!"

Hermione then quickly cast the spell on herself and went on to help the others.

"No, Ron it's not 'Lang_uos_ _Comp_rendios'. It's more like '_Lang_uos _Compren_dios'"

"Good, Ginny, you got it!" she told Ginny who had succeeded in putting the spell on herself.

"Good work, Harry. You just have to flick a bit more aggressively, like this"

"OK, just make the swirl a bit more elaborate" she told Pansy.

"Very good wand movement, Draco! Just work on the words. Ask Ron how you have to say them."

"Your swirl is a tad slow. Try again" Hermione remarked to Cho who tried again and succeeded, then went to chat with Ginny.

Draco and Harry succeeded next, then Pansy and finally Ron got the spell right, too.

"Okay, Let's try if the spell worked. Ymmärrättekö te kaikki mitä minä olen sanomassa tällä hetkellä? Hermione said

"Joo" the others answered.

"Mut ei sun tartte puhuu kirjakielellä" Cho added.

"Hei, mä oikeestaan ymmärrän tätä ihme kieltä! Siistiä" Ron said.

"MUAHAHAHAHAAA! Nyt kukaan ei ymmärä meidän puheita!" Ginny exclaimed and laughed manically.

Hermione glanced at her watch: "Okei, Aika lähteä tunnille, te kaikki!"

(("Do you understand what I'm saying at this moment?"

"Yeah, but you don't have to talk so formally"

"Hey, I can actually understand this weird language! Cool"

"BUAHAHAHAHAAA! Now no-one can understand what we're saying!"

"Okay, time to leave for the lessons, everyone!"))

Everyone except Draco and Hermione left. They stood quietly next to each other in the room.

"You handled this really well. I knew you'd come up with something" Draco complemented.

"I know. I'm good!" Hermione said, with a self-centred look, then laughed.

They both smiled and slowly leaned in for a kiss…

…and were suddenly pushed off by some unknown force, hard.

"OW! I just should've known he'd make up a spell like this! Now he's really going to pay!"

Draco smiled and Hermione was reminded of their swift journey from being enemies to dating each other.

They had insulted and jinxed each other numerous times, but at the same time bravely fought mental battles against themselves (and lost). Since they were Head Boy and Head Girl, they shared a Common room and slept in rooms next to each other. This had helped of course, as well as the patrols they had to do together. Now that she thought of it, perhaps there was some weird love potion for people in love or something, too… They'd gotten locked in with each other in broom cupboards and classrooms so often, that it almost felt arranged…

'_Wait__, what the heck! Am I becoming paranoid or something?'_

They had also both gotten so sick that they had to go to the Hospital Wing. It had happened so often that Hermione wondered how they survived the year at all! Their first kiss was actually a bit hazy to Hermione. Was it really romantic, or random and unexpected? Whatever it was, Hermione had a strange feeling it had been explained in detail by someone…

'_Oh no! Paranoia again!'_

They had also gone to a dance (which they themselves had planned) together. Now they were quite 'the pair'; they were the Slytherin Prince and the Gryffindor Princess, after all! Strangely enough, Harry and Luna were falling in love around the same time, probably just coincidence (little did she know that Pansy and Ron also started liking each other at that time…)

"Hermione? Hermione!"

"Huh, what?"

"You just totally spaced out!"

"Oh, really? Uh, sorry…mä vaan muistelin kuinka me tutustuttiin..."

"Ok, mennään nyt ennen kun myöhästytään, joku saattaa nähdä meidät yhdessä!"

"Ok, näkemiin!"

"Moi, sitten!"

(("…I was just thinking about how we got to know each other…"

"Ok, let's go now before we're late, someone might see us together!"

"Ok, see ya!"

"Bye, then!"))

AN: That's all for now. I think anyone who's ever read Hr/D fanfic before should notice the clichés. Please tell me if I should go on translating the conversations in Finnish like this.


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